So many clients I speak to all have a similar situation, one of the biggest issues involves relationships, whilst there is no handbook, experience is always your best teacher. And as long as you are seeing these relationships as a way to perfect your radar in detecting the right one for you, perhaps these tips may assist you in finding true happiness. Just remember, the last perfect person was crucified and no one will come without their faults, be willing to accept that and maybe you'll find more positive's outweigh the negative ones. You may be looking at your partner who has somehow begun to blend in with the surroundings, scratching their belly button, examining that belly button fluff they just pulled out or God forbid scratching their butt, okay, by now you're officially grossed out :D But if you are in a relationship and it's lost it's spark maybe you're beginning to find yourself looking elsewhere.. afterall one is forgiven in thinking .. surely there is something better out there for me than the fluff collector. If you think back to a time where neither of you would had dared shown these comfort traits it may be a cue card to rekindle that and begin dating again. What many don't consciously think about when dating someone, is what will this be like in 10 years time? Often the fairytale is what has smitten you, the great smile, attention to looks and hygiene and that ability to laugh at themselves. The years begin to go by and it all becomes grown up, serious contemplation about who to bank with who to have as a Tax Agent, which electricity, gas or phone and internet company should you go with because the fun seems over and the bills and expenses of the relationship begin to mount. Then this may be because little ones have come along, many women think that if they have a child to the guy they're with it will get them off their proverbial behind and get them to make a honest woman out of them by marrying them. Oh boy, big big BIG boo boo! If the guy has to be taken to this level then it's a no go from the get go. But with all due respect, there are some that make it work and the secret may be that they try to keep the freshness in their relationship, after all, why should courting stop once the ring is on the finger? Why should the little reminders of 'I love you' go by the wayside? little surprises like cooking ones favorite meal or making the bedroom look inviting with a little candlelight, rose petals on the pillow with a tiny chocolate on top is perhaps one of the tiny things that could change the mood. Take a bill holiday by paying a little extra each week toward bills so that way you get in credit and then can enjoy a stress free moment when the bill arrives saying 'Nothing Owing' in credit XYZ.. then use that money that you would had normally used outright on a bill to take your sweetheart out to a play, restaurant or just to the club, but not with others... alone.. as a couple. And don't bring up issues just as the bill is now not owing, neither is the relationship not owing any need for argument triggers. You don't wait all that time to save only to shoot it to pieces by bringing up things like 'why do you leave your clothes on the floor?' or 'I wish you wouldn't do ...'. Take a break and just have fun! It is possible and overall, I hear you asking, okay Karen, I want to do that or I already do these niceties but he / she doesn't even appreciate them. Well firstly, the key word is appreciate, do you want them to appreciate what you do or give them or do you want them to appreciate you? Think about it whilst I play some elevator music..
Welcome back.. Maybe you're focussed on the appreciation they show and not so much the chance you are making to show a little interest in them, if you're the only one doing this then perhaps you've let it get to the point where they've become set in their ways.. perhaps you need to look at it from another angle.. That fluff collector only does this in front of you because they are comfortable around you enough to know you won't judge them, they are in their own odd way saying 'I know I don't need to pretend with you'. Yes you can pick your jaw off the ground now.. but believe it or not.. that's what it implies.. The problem is too many have loosened the reigns on the relationship, gone about letting other things take precedence in their life, video games, kids, work, bills etc.. and they simply expect that they can open up the closet and take out the relationship when they want to play with it and then when they've had enough they put it back in the closet and shut the door. Now, compare a relationship to a computer or iPad. They often have updates on the software that need to keep the thing running smoothly and to keep up with all changes, think about your relationship as requiring an update, things change about you. Kids grow up and leave the roost and if you're stuck in the same program you had in the 80s' etc.. you'll never find the relationship interesting enough to want to enjoy it because it's become outmoded. Now.. get where I'm coming from? Spirit tell me a great deal of things and that is precisely how they summed up my own relationship. The words were 'Karen, your relationship was in dire need of an upgrade, you spent way too much time helping others and not enough time helping your own relationship'. When I saw the connection with a computer and upgrading the software or Operating System I certainly couldn't see myself using windows 95 in 2017. If you also look at the value of the interest you put into a relationship you'll be able to see clearly that the beginning of every relationship has a stage of attraction. This stage of attraction to the other person often transpires from a smile, gesture, laugh etc.. Now jump 10 years down the track... where'd it go? Do you still feel like that person you were when you met your partner? Why have you become so serious? Why? Because you're software is struggling to keep up with the new programs out there that are sapping your resources, time and eventually burning out your hard drive.. okay... now Karen's turned into a computer programer for relationships LOL But stay with me, I know Im going somewhere with this :D
Okay enough monkeying around.. Before you throw that relationship away for someone else, ask yourself how you intend on behaving in a new relationship.. Will you be upgrading on the looks department? You know, washing more regularly, doing your makeup or throwing on some aftershave? The point I'm making is this.. If you think about a new relationship and you already have a relationship, maybe it just needs some new attention, new upgrades.. sigh new software. Be spontaneous as you would a new relationship, surprise them with a bunch of flowers, or do the rose thing, relive that first date. Or re-introduce yourself to your partner as though you were introducing yourself to someone new.. The best part is, that you CAN rekindle it! Never expect a fire to keep burning without the kindling. ;)
Now.. How do you Spot a person who is no good for you...
Unfortunately it's not as simple as tapping them on the head to listen for that hollow sound.
Watch how they are fast to change the subject when cornered with the truth, they often will change the topic or avoid it entirely.
Watch the corners of their mouth when they cause you to cry, and beware of those crocodile tears they are fast to create, yes they took years to perfect them, and if you ask a question and they: 1. Avoid responding or 2. Reply with "Huh" (prepare for a string of lies.)
They are always victims, they always hold blame towards others but they never seem to have done any wrong, it's everyone else.
They use and abuse to get what they want, they never apologize in fact their art of deception is turning everything on you, making you feel sympathy for them and suddenly you are feeling the need to apologize to them, for the way THEY made YOU feel.
They can be racist, talking behind anothers' back but to their face behave sickly sweet, if you witness this know this is how they will treat you.
They are manipulative, they will start or trigger an argument then accuse you of starting it.
If they tell you to change any part of your appearance then this is your first clue they are attempting to turn you into someone else than the person they met, if they don't accept you for who you are kick them to the kerb now!
They will treat you like crap but when they want something you are suddenly given all the attention in the world then they go back to treating you like crap once they have got what they wanted.
They are braggers - always boasting about what they have, the 'Show Pony' or a severe case of 'Metooitus' is incurable. They live above their means yet always in debt or running from responsibility.
They get jealous over your family or attempt to isolate you from your own family &/or friends.
They will find a single fault of yours and use it against you, even years later.
People they chat up are always referred to as "they are nothing" when it's them who are the nothing.
If they feel intimidated, they will say things to make you have low self esteem, this in turn make them feel stronger. Never give in and stand your ground against these type.
Lastly, they will make you feel insecure, flirting right in front of you to get a reaction.Then say it's all in your mind.
Just knowing this can save you from a lifetime of pain.